shit, why do i feel so alone? like i got no one or nowhere to call home, i pick up the phone, in hopes of hearing friendly face, and its such a disgrace, that i dont have anyone anymore, its like whats the use of living for? if you have no one to share it with, no one to spare it with, no one to bare it with, and its like this feeling of emptiness inside, and it i cant hide, its like you want the answer, but you dont even know the question, you feel like someones messing, with your mind, and you cant find, the reason why, why you deserve all this shit, why you have to take all the hits, day after day, untill one day, you just say, whats on your mind, to find, out that no ones there, no one cares, and your like well isnt this great, that you finally found the hate, but you have no one to take it out on, its been so long, since i've felt that someone actually cared, and is not just there, to play a part, begin or start, something new, but pretty soon, they'll leave too, and im here again, stuck in the same position, having no one to listen, i hate wondering if someone will come back for you, or if someone is going through, this same shit that your going through, but who knew, that in reality we are all alone, and their really isnt anyone on the other line of the phone, just a voice, that gives you a choice, whether to believe it or not, i mean im not asking for a lot, just for someone to be there to hold me, make me feel like their only, if only, for a little while, yeah my style, isnt that great, yeah maybe im late, but dont hate, im just trying to express how i feel, and wondering if anything good is really real, and if anything will last, fuck the past, it went way to fast, like time is moving now, and leaves us to wonder how, to take the hits while they're coming, to stay and fight, or keep on running? the same old song is humming, over and over, in the back of your mind, i dont want to unwind, i dont want to feel, i dont want to believe the past was real, that it didnt steal, everything i had, and im so pissed at me, cause i didnt see, it coming, it didnt expect it, i couldnt predict it, it just came and knocked me down, to the ground, and somehow, i found the strength to get back up, and fight it all, even if i fall, i know i gave it my all, i can keep on going, knowing, that at least i tried, that you lied, telling me, we would forever be, but yeah i know i need to let that go, i know, that it will never go, back to the way it used to be, even if i can still see, it so perfect, so clearly, replaying forever, just know that forever, together, is never, ever, true, cause if you believe it, it will tear you apart and eat at you, untill you just dont know what to do...
You changed the way i viewed the world, you changed my perception of boys and girls, you made me realize, that not all guys, lead up to lies, and that its not all lust, and you casn learn to trust, you gave me the will, to kill, the old me, i didnt know who she, was, becuase, she was not what i wanted to be, and you could see, see right throught the act, you knew the facts, and i thank you for that, you gave me strength to forgive, the love i lost, and there was no cost, except that i fell for you, and i still do, have feelings for you, eventhough i dont want to, its not my fault, i wanted it to hault, but i cant lie to myself, i cant hide it away on some shelf, becuase i care, and when i stare, into your eyes, i get lost, and my feelings get tossed, around and it makes me crazy, and everything becomes hazy, and i cant think straight, and i hate, the way you act, the way you dress, the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you stare, that stupid hair, and the way you care, so much that i realize, so much that it opens my eyes, and shows me, that i love you more than anything, and now i guess your job is done, we had so much fun, i understand why you have to run, away, i really just want you to stay, how will i live without you, and all the stupid things you do, i cant believe your going away, its gonna be so weird not seeing you everyday, in class, damn im gonna miss your ass, and im not going to pass, you in the hall, you wont be there to catch me if i fall, or help me stand tall, or even at all, cant you see, you cant leave me, i need you now, more than ever, were supposed to be together, my love for you is strong, i wonder how long, it will take, for me to brake, down, how long it will take for me to drown, i cant even begin to imagine life without you, what the hell am i gonna do, you so damn hard to let go, you stupid hoe, you know, exactly what your doing to me, i know your trying to make me strong, but how can i, without you by my side, i need your support, i need you to sort, this all out for me, i dont know how to make this end, you were such a great friend, you were more, you whore, i need you here, i need you near, me, i know theres nothing i can do, i guess im gonna have to learn to live without you, to not have you here with me, i guess im gonna have to open my eyes, and learn to see....
in this world we are so small, in this world we mean nothing at all, you think you have people to catch you when you fall, but you dont, and you wont, ever really understand, why you cant have someone holding your hand, forever, god that word is such a lie, what forever is, is you forever wondering why, you believed it would last, the past, is something that haunts us and follows us around, whether we like it or not we are bound, to it, it makes you sit, alone, dying in grief, and wallowing disbelief, that it was all just a dream, no, not a dream, but a nightmare, because no matter what i do, i want someone to care, and to be there, for comfort and support, someone to sort, this whole mess i made out, because i dont know what its all about, and i dont know what route, to take, any chance i have of finding out, i brake, and i try so hard to make, everything right, i would fight, to have everything back to the way it was, when everything was perfect because, thats the way its supposed to be, its like i cant see, hear, sleep, or breathe, without you by my side, life is a crazy ride, that i dont wanna take alone, everythings so thrown, out of placce, i need a friendly face, to get through the day, and i could stay, in those moments forever, because i treasure, them more than anything, anything at all, is better than being alone, to sit alone and ask, ask myself, why i have to mask myself, and pretend to be someone your not, because were afraid of being left out to rot, away into nothing, because you mean nothing, to them, your shit out of luck, because they dont give a fuck, about you, or what you go through, they are wrapped up in their own lives, to even notice your crying inside, dying inside, i just wanna be swept away, away back to the past, were everything was just fine, the line, was perfectly straight, and now its broken and shattered, because you realize that you never mattered, and it makes you sadder, and more depressed, more disressed, and more useless, that you did before, and you know you cant take much more, of this shit, not one bit, the candle that was lit, has finally burned out, and everything has filled me up with doubt, i really dont know what its all about, please will someone help me out, maybe i should just forget and leave like they all did, or maybe instead reveal lies they hid, maybe we should all just forget about the past, because it didnt last, it didnt stay forever strong, actually it didnt even stay all that long, i did everything wrong, i dont do anything right, i lost the sight, of you i held so tight, everything i aim for i miss, and oh god how i long for your kiss, and the touch of your face, but thats all erased, and now that i've been thrown off track, i have finally understand, that i cant go back...
it sucks when you have no idea whats going on, like forgetting the words to your favorite song, when your so lost, that any cost, will do, you dont know who, exactlys on your mind, you want to find, the words to say, but they just fade away, you have no idea what to say, you dont even know if this is real, did someone steal your mind, or did you just lose it, abuse it, lit a fuse in it, and it was destroyed, you toyed, around too much, you lost your sense of touch, and to feel, how to deal, with how you feel, and your sense of sight, of wrong and right, is no longer there, you no longer care, about anything or anyone, what you thought would be is no fun, the sun, has finally died out, my world, is over, i have no shoulder, to cry on, to die on, its gone, all gone wrong, and all along, you knew it was coming, you felt the ground rumbling, but you didnt warn me about it all, you were to late to catch me when i fall, and you let me hit the ground, and it didnt even make a sound...
all i wanted was for you to come back, i felt like without you i was off track, but now that your here, i can see clear, that what i held dear, and what i used to fear, dosent matter anyone, you walked out the door, and you didnt come back, there was a part of of me that lacked, what i needed to go on, but life does go on, it will leave you behind, like you left me, alone and blind, unable to see, or believe in me, and now after all these years your back, you want to get everything back on track, you think you can erase all that pain, you caused, that you can get rid of that stain, on my heart, i dont even know where to start, why should i forgive you? for all the shit you put me through, why should you be given another chance? to make everything right, without a fight, you really think you can do that? just at a snap of your finger and its all back? you said you were grateful you werent late, well isnt that great? NO! your wrong, it took too long, for you to sort, your a fucking day late and a dollar too short, im sick of this shit, you saying you can change, saying you can rearrange, but we both know in our hearts what, you did, what you hid, what you said, and how you said it, like you really meant it, but i'll never believe your bull, even if you try to push and pull, me in your direction, like your fucking perfection, and now your telling me what to do, after all the shit you put me through, you honestly think im gonna listen to you? i know your just waiting for me to fuck up, well you can stick that shit right up, your ass cause i dont give a fuck, your shit outta luck, cause im me, and im going to be, me, and you'll see, thats all i need to be, i have my own voice, i can make my own choice, just leave me the fuck alone, you dont know me anymore, i dont think you ever knew me at all, when i called, you just watched me as i falled, so now its my turn, to turn, my back on you, put you through the shit you do, but whatever im done, im gonna run, what? dont? well wait isnt that your thing? to leave wayy before that the fat lady sings? oops i think i just stepped on a crack, and broke my mommy dearests helpless back.
i feel like crying, i feel like dying, and i do know why, there is this guy, this guy i cant get out of my head, and when i lay in bed, hes on mind, and my feelings unwind, and i realized how much im in love, and i want to shove, it away from me, cause i dont want to be, in love, its happened before, and i lost a lot more, than i thought i would, than i thought i could, more than i should, but nothing can change the past, yeah at times it went too fast, and most good things didnt last, they faded away, into the shade, of my mind, time, does not heal, it makes whats real, harder to deal, time is to easy to steal, when you dont care how they feel, and you make them hurt, are treated like dirt, and let your anger out, scream and shout, about, everything thats gone wrong, and begin to realize how long, you've had to deal, with the shit, and this feeling in the pit, of my stomach, like somethings wrong, like somethings gone, i just want it to go away, for everything good to stay, keep the pain at bay, and just lay and cry, and you dont die, you just continue to live, and you learn to forgive...
im so confused, my hearts been abused, you need to understand, that i do want you to be my man, but im lost, losing you would cost, a lot to me, you need to see, that i do like you, and i do care, but right now a relationship is a dare, im stuck between two, i dont know what to do, i want you, but i dont, everytime i see him, my heart skips a beat, he sweeps me off my feet, then pulls me in, makes my head spin, when i come down, it starts all over again, i just need to sit and think, because before i blink, i might lose you, and i dont want to, i wanna run, but i need to walk, i wanna keep quiet, but i need to talk, i just dont know what to say, eventhough i think of you everyday, hes there, right in front of me, he weakens my knees, and i fall for him, i guess i can never win, maybe loves not for me, maybe its not meant to be, if i cant choose, then you both i will lose, and that i cant bare, i'll miss you and your crazy hair, and his sexy stare, a decision i cant make, your hearts i dont wanna brake, maybe i should just give up on guys, i dont want to live with lies, its not fair to be with someone, and wish for another, my heart is smothered, your perfect and hes not, but theres just something about him that makes him hott, something about him that makes me smile, the time i spend with him is more than worth while, but dont get me wrong, my feelings for you are strong, but i cant decide, from the truth i cannot hide, i want you, but i need him, i like you, but i love him, he sticks to me like glue, i really dont know what to do, i guess my feelings i'll never show, and you and him will never know...
damn cant you see im in love with you? but i guess you dont know, you see right through, me, it looks as if you dont care, you wont even give me a stare, when i walk right by you, you act like you never knew me, who i am, and who i used to be, but i really want to hold youme tight, everyday and every single night, for your love i would fight, till my last breath, i would stand by you, and be true, im giving you my heart for the taking, but instead of it living its breaking, and making, me cry, making me want to die, i would never lie, about whats inside my heart, even if you threw a dart, right through and made it shatter, like it didnt matter, like i didnt matter, it took a while for my mind to dawn, on the fact that you were gone, and that maybe i should try to move on, that im wasting my time, you wouldnt even give a dime for me, im just too blind to see, that you dont give a shit about me, and that you couldnt care less, im just such a mess, thats not worth cleaning, not worth leaning, on, with no meaning, maybe someday i'll see, how bad you really were for me, no matter how much i want to, i cant hate you, no matter how much i need to, i wont hate you, i'll be forever trapped, knocked down and slapped, by you, if only i knew, how to hate you...
why is everything spinning out of control, why is there such a big hole, in my heart, fuck where should i start, with how things fall apart, that nothing good lasts forever, NEVER! thats just the way it is, believe me when i say this, i wish i could forget him, and let you in, i wish i could love you, as much as you love me, that we could be together, and be happy, but im too fucked up, i have issues, if you, could only understand, that i want to take your hand, and let you lead me away, from all this stess and all this pain, and help me become happy once again, but then, here i go fucking shit up, starting the shit, you can bet on it, that nothing with me will ever last, you should just try and put me in your past, fuck this is all happening so fast, MAKE IT STOP! i just want it to stop, i just want to breathe, and be relieved, of every fucking thing, thats making me go insane, im still thinking about whats his name, why? i dont know why? why? why is the sky blue? its a stupid fucking question, just please listen, were not looking for the same thing, your looking for a steady, im looking for a fling, im just not ready, to committ, to it, to anything, its just the way i am, can you hear this? serious, is not in my vocabulary, yeah i know what im saying sounds scary, its even freaking me out, i gotta stop thinking about, everything so much, always thinking, what if? what if? what if what? FUCK! someone slap me, someone wake me up, bring me back to reality, i really need to grow up, and show up, face the way i feel, thats why im pushing it away, because someday, you could hurt me, damn i look in the mirror, and see, a whiny ass bitch, afraid to commit, afraid to be hurt, well thats how you learn, thats life, you fall and get back up, sometimes alone, and sometimes you need help, you cant do everything by yourself, try to figure it out, and put it all in place, jsut erase, all the doubt, and straighten this out, look inside your soul, you've got control, even if its not a lot, you just say the word, and it all will stop...
i remember that look in your eyes, that told me everything was fine, the look that covered the lies, and how this never ends, who spends, more time talking shit, who takes more hits, cause honestly i lost count, amd faith cause i can count, on you, to be true, i wish i knew, but damn now thats its over and done, im realizing how much im missing you, what did i do? i never knew, how much you meant to me, that i really need you near me, im falling faster everyday, everyway, you would look at me, everyway, you would kiss me, fuck you need to see, that it dosent matter what was said, let those stupid thoughts leave your head, can we do it again? this life is a crazy roller coaster, built to crash, lets smash, all those things that got in the way, to make us stay, cause alone were going nowhere, i mean is it really over? i cant stand what we've become, you just need to come, back to me, i know that you can still feel, we can deal, i know it all seems broken now, and were not sure how, to fix all the pieces, pieces of our hearts, let the tide, pull you back to my side, pull us both back into place, your face, erases all doubts, its hard to say just what i feel, and i wish i could really, tell you all this, to kiss, you again, but as im staring at you, im loosing my speech, cause im staring at something, thats out of reach...
Babe you really hurt me, stole my sight so i couldnt see. you left me in the dark, confused and lost, not even knowing where to start, on how to tell you, that you broke my heart. fuck i guess im still in shock. i didnt see this coming, i never expected this from you, I really did love you, and the sad thing is, that i still do. im just sick of the drama, sick of the lies, just sitting here shitless as our friendship dies. i cant stand this shit anymore, i dont think i can take it anymore. Im looking at the grey sky, listening to the rain. trying to focus on something, something besides this pain. they say when you lose you also gain, cause losing you made me realize, that beneath all the lies, beneath the deciet, beneath the defeat, that you mean more than anything to me. now that we have had some time to breathe, time to think more clearly, cause i know what we had was real and clearly, i need you near me. your everything i want and more, i guess this is the price i have to pay for, having someone so perfect. yeah i dont deserve this, well i dont think i do, but i do know that i love you, things just were too good to be true, and now i just dont know what to do. take you back, or make you pack? cause either way i will still love you, and either way i will hurt like i do. i just wanna get through, all this pain and just move on. Either run with you, or leave you behind. im losing my mind, cause i cant find, the reason why. why i deserved to be cheated, you said i was all that you needed. and then i wonder if you treated, all your girls this way. reminding her everyday, that she is beautiful, that she is your life, that you dream of her being your wife, that you couldnt imagine life, without her. your words sound so empty, like i didnt mean anything. i just cant believe this happened to us, i guess your lust (for her), was stronger than your love (for me), and that maybe, you still want what you two had, well its too bad, that you cant have us both. that you cant play me this way, and just get away, with it. this just dosent make any sense, i gave you my innocence, i gave you my heart, which i guess wasnt smart, because you played me, and everything your saying to me, i cant really trust. i know you wish you could take it back, well reality check, things dont just work out like that. im not gonna play, the role your putting me in, in this little game. if we start things again, will it end up the same? or will you actually tell me the truth? for once be selfless and stop thinking about what you'll lose, but instead trying to live up to something new, someone true. damn i love you, but like i said before, i just dont know what to do.
Why are you doing this to me/Why are you abusing me?You know im crazy about you/and that i would do/anything to be with you./And your taking this to your advantage/and then/i take the shit again./Will it ever end?/Can i let you go?/Someone please tell me so./Cause im trapped/all wrapped/up in your game./I worship your name/your pictures in a frame/beside my bed./Your words stay in my head/and replay over and over/Like a broken record/that never stops./Even if it drops/it just keeps on going./That voice/your voice/ fuck make it stop./I cant take much more/what are you doing this for?/Do you like seeing me in pain/is it some kind of gain/to see me this way?/I try to keep you at bay/but then you smile/which makes me smile/but also while/that smile/seems so innocent and sweet./That same smile can beat/me down and break me/and make me/shatter/into a million pieces/like i never mattered/like you never cared/like we never really shared anything at all./Your letting me fall/and your not gonna catch me/your just gonna watch me./FUCK how stupid am i really/for letting my feelings/grab hold/and mold/my heart to belong to you./Well are you happy now/it does./Its all fucking yours/so take it/what are you waiting for?/You got all you wanted/go flaunt it!/I cant believe i trusted you/what the fuck did i see in you?/Besides those eyes i could get lost in/that smile that could win/any girls heart./But where do i start?/With the other side of you./that makes you think you/can play anyone/with all your crap./I can see right through/right through your shitty act./It make take a while/for me to slap that smile/that fucking grin/right off your face./I cant let this begin/again/i need to erase/ erase all the feelings i have for you/because they give you the power to control me./ damn i really need to let you go/will you please let me know/if i can leave/that i dont have to grieve/your loss./That your not the boss/that i have my own choice/i just need to get your voice/out of my head/and listen to him instead./Because he really loves me/and he really cares./Unlike you/he supported me through it all/through all/of your shit/and i owe him this/my heart./I dont want to even start, with how fucked up my heart is/he dosent deserve this./But hes by my side anyway/here for me anyday/will help me anyway/and will stay/by me till the end/even if hes only my friend./But i do know one thing/and that is this needs to end./I need my heart back/i need to get back on track/just please give it back./Im sorry i hurt you/im sorry this hurts you/but you need to let me go/so/we can both move on./You need to be strong/for both of us/and make the choice/to let me go/and you should find someone else/that can make you happy./Cause thats all i want/is you to be happy./And i know all this drama/is making us both feel crappy./So put on that smile/that i love so much./That loving, caring smile/that i need so much/to reaasure me/that my decision is right./That it is right/to let you go/let you know/that this is the end./I still love you as a friend/and that frown i would love to mend/i'd just do anything/to see that smile again. :)
